Saturday, January 06, 2007

never gets finished

Last night I was revisited by an old feeling. It was one of those I really didn't miss having.

Last night was the first time in a very long time the thought crossed my mind that it would be easier to just fucking end it all.

It didn't come along full-formed with a plan, but it was there and it didn't go away for quite a while. Actually, it's still kinda hanging out in the back of my head almost like it pulled up a chair and decided to stay for awhile. I think it still has its coat on, tho, so maybe I can kick it out today.

Maybe I'll come back and edit this later to try to go through what brought about this feeling. It might be helpful to me to spill my thoughts out. Maybe not. Who knows?

5 comments:

Phoooiee said...

But everybody loves you!

furiousBall said...

jeebus man, your blog is my favorite one with the word chicken in the title, what would i do?

you = good people, don't do nothin' tupid as my three year old would say (she handles the suicide hotline phones on the weekends)

Sarah said...

I'm with the Mrs. and that silly blue bowling ball. If I don't even know you, and I think you rock, you must be awesome. It doesn't mean thoughts like that disappear, just keep holding them at bay and looking for the good. Try holding a baby. That might help.

i, squub said...

The ENTIRETY OF THE ENTIRE PROBLEM is that you are so goddamn concerned about your washing machine situation that you forget that ending it all DOESN'T FIX ANY PART OF ANYTHING. It just makes everybody else have to deal with the everything PLUS miss having you there to help deal with it.

I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA who I'd hire (for no salary) to replace you in the ass.bad.movers company if you weren't in it anymore. NO FUCKING IDEA.

So how exactly do you want me to respond to THAT situation? There's already a chair sitting 120 miles away from my house in a box in a garage that's not moving itself to my house that almost already blew out of the back of the truck getting it from the store to that garage all because you weren't there to sit in the truck bed and hold it in the rain and NOW YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT ENDING THE GODDAMN

man I can't even talk to you.

Apertome said...

I'm not quite sure how to respond to stuff like this, but I can agree with everyone else that you are awesome.

And Sarah's right. Hold that wife. Hold that baby. They can help you through all kinds of stuff.