jesus fucking christ

"We've taken three pro-bowl players off their hands."

"We love rookie quarterbacks."

"The only way you get a rating lower than 40 is if you throw lots of interceptions with very few completions."

"The only way that happens if you have more interceptions than completions, you only have two or three completions, and you never throw a touchdown."

"He was seen on the sideline in tears."

"... last season, when we played the Packers, they benched Brett Farve."

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I would just like to point out here, that the above quotes do not come from a football player.

They do not come from the coach of football team. They don't come from anyone involved in any way with a football team.

Instead, they are coming (faster than I can type them) from the fellow seated to my right (who is wearing a Baltimore Ravens jersey) who has been TALKING ABOUT MOTHERFUCKING FOOTBALL FOR SEVEN HOURS STRAIGHT.

In the process of talking football, he has also accidentally rebooted servers and fucked up other things he is supposed to be fixing.

THIS IS A WONDERFUL GUY FOR TECH SUPPORT.

PLEASE HIRE HIM TO YOUR COMPANY IMMEDIATELY.

He would also like you to know that YOU TOO can own a fabulous BALTIMORE RAVENS COUCH IN PURPLE LEATHER, but he can't find the price online or he would also tell you how much it costs.

FUCK.