Friday, October 27, 2006

Give it to Mikey.

Funky Smith posted a recipe. My wife wants to try it. She told Funky about this. Now Funky is telling my wife to eat Spag. instead of her recipe. I dunno why. That's just the story I heard.

So, to make Funky feel better, I will post a recipe that she (and everyone else) is welcome to try. I hear it goes great with fresh bananas and milk.

1 oz. toenails

2 tbsp. dead arm hair

1 pinch of crud from under the lip of the kitchen counter

4 early-morning eye crusts

3 dozen chocolate chips

1/2 cup egg beaters

1/3 cup cottage cheese

15 bite-sized chunks of beefsteak

7 sticks of sugarless gum

Mix first five ingredients in a small sauce pan on high heat.

When the chocolate begins to burn to the bottom of the pan pour in the egg beaters and the cottage cheese. Stir for twenty-five minutes. Keep heat on high. Do not stop stirring.

Balance the beefsteak chunks on the ends of the gum sticks. You have an extra one in case you drop one on the floor. (you wouldn't want to get any germs in the recipe)

Drop the balanced beef-gum into the pot one at a time. The gum should get sticky and wrap around the beef. If it doesn't, try to stab it with a fork and twist it around.

Once you have the gum wrapped neatly around all the beefsteaks, stir the whole mess for about an hour. But take a ten minute break every fifteen minutes. Leave it on high heat the whole time or it won't come out right.

After you've stirred it for an hour, place the pan on a cookie sheet and put the whole shebang into a preheated 550 degree oven.

Bake for 45 minutes.

Take it out of the oven and serve hot.

Serves two.


i, squub said...

I don't think that actually goes with anything.

But I've been known to be wrong before.

Liquid Pork Gun said...

The problem with this receipe is that there's no consistancy to it - the crud under the kitchen counter will always be different for each person. Also, what the fuck are you thinking not including diarrhea? Every good receipe has diarrhea in it.

Funky Smith said...

Um, that's gross. I'd much rather Phoooiee make my recipe than disgusting dead arm hairs. So does that mean hairs from a dead arm, or hairs that are dead from an arm?

Sacky said...

I think you can go either way on the arm hairs.

The key is in keeping it on high heat.