Rules for the Workplace

Rules for the Workplace
(use at your own risk)

1. If you come to work late then you MUST make up for it by leaving early.
2. Lunch "hour" is really about 90 minutes, especially if you have to leave the office to eat.
3. Lunch hour does not necessarily consist of 90 contiguous minutes. Thus, when I'm checking my GMail at 3:15, I can assure you that I'm making up for the 15 minutes when I was interrupted by some idiotic question while I was on my lunch hour.
4. If you work in a cubicle and use a speaker phone you must die right now.
5. If you work in close proximity to other people, it's really a good idea to take a shower every day. Or, if you can't manage that then AT LEAST every other day. Deodorant EVERY DAY is a prerequsite to even coming through the front door. Especially if you stink.
6. Jeans are perfectly fine every day of the week as long as you wear them with black (or brown) loafers and a button-down shirt. Even I can't authorize the use of sneakers or a T-Shirt, even on Friday.
7. Do not approach people who are dilligently typing while also listening to earphones. They can't hear you. Try IM or e-mail, even if they sit right next to you.
8. Do not, under any circumstances, come to talk to me next to my cubicle and let off a fart. For fuck's sake certainly don't do it twice in a row.