Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Fuck Easter

What the fuck is with this Easter shit, anyhow?

I mean, really, what do bunnies and chicks and colored eggs have to do with the Jesus?

All of those things (kinda like Christmas trees, too) are remnants of ancient pagan beliefs which have just been absorbed by Christianity. Would the mommies at your local Sunday School be happy to know we eat chocolate bunnies today as a remnant of earlier beliefs that rabbits must be sacrificed in the early spring as an offering to a god or goddess so that the cold death of winter could be washed away and all the living things renewed again? Or how about baby chicks which come from eggs (tho not colored ones)? Here too is something which lay dormant for many long weeks and now steps into the light of day from out of the darkness of its shell.

Isn't it funny how that kind of stuff mirrors a certain "resurrection" story?

What's not funny is driving all the way to Chipotle and finding them closed just because it's fucking Easter. At least the weather was disagreeable (now, where's all that rebirth and rejuvenation shit when you need it?) cuz if it had been nice we would have ridden the 18 miles on our bikes. And then I probably wouldn't be able to put into words just how fucking pissed I would be.

But I got a burrito on Monday, so all is not lost. However, I never did get one of those giant chocolate covered peanut butter eggs. Stupid Easter.


Funky Smith said...

Next time you go to Chipotle with intentions of riding on a bike, I need to know about it.

Sarah said...

Dude, that same exact thing happened last year. We went to Chipotle, although if I remember correctly it was like the night before Easter, and they had closed early so that all the good god-fearing Catholic Chipotle employees could go home and ... baste the turkey? wrap presents? OH WAIT. There's no reason at all why I couldn't get an HFB (Michael's acronymn for Huge Fucking Burrito). Hmph. It's raining like a cow pissing on a flast rock.

Nathan Lei Hyde said...

one year later, found your blog looking up "Fuck Easter" on google. all I have to say is FUCK EASTER TOO! Chocolate bunny shit, the grocery store is closed, go figure why they closed the GROCERY store on a SUNDAY.. like I'd be eating chocolate all damn day.. anyways, my rant. felt good. thanks. peace.

jice81 said...

So I am finding your blog years later after googling the words "Easter" and "Chipotle", because the dumb fucks here in Oklahoma were trying to be cute and fucked up. They have posted on their door: "We'll be closed in observance of the first full moon after the vernal equinox (AKA Easter)". Well apparently they didn't get the memo from pagan home office: Easter is the first SUNDAY after the first full moon after or on the vernal equinox. The dumb assholes have screwed up trying to be smart, hip, and funny in one fail swoop.

Anonymous said...

GUYS and GALS, GROW UP! Stop believing in fairytales. The world is soooo brainwashed! There is no such thing as GOD! He/She Does NOT exist! Stop blaming your life on make believe. NOBODY IS LISTENING TO YOUR PRAYERS, YOU FUCKING IDOITS. People of so fucking ignorant and believe in make believe just to justify their crappy lives. How pityfull. I have been an atheist my entire life and have been nothing but successful and am considered a 1%er financial. "GOD" had nothing to do with it. Hard work and persistence is what made me a multi-millionaire! Also, money does buy happiness. I would hate life if I were not as successful as I am. I don’t know how poor/unsuccessful people wake up and get through each day without wanting to commit suicide. You poor ignorant saps! You idiots are the one who make the churches rich while you are poor and waiting for a “miracle” to happen. Good luck, don’t hold your breath. HA HA, IDOITS!!!!