Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Watch out for those fucking commas.

Tom Smith.

Bill Bugglesnatch.

Adam George.

Up there are the names of three fictional people. I just made them up. (So in case you actually have one of those names, I'm not taking about you, fuckstick.)

I am talking about the people who can't read.

When Tom Smith sends you an e-mail, you might get something which looks like this:

FROM: Tom Smith{tsmith@poop.com}

Some people might not have their mailer configured properly, so you might get something like this:

FROM: OUTLOOK USER{bugglesn_2006@hotmail.com}

And if it's from a company account, it might even look like this:

FROM: George, Adam{adam.l.george@cooters-inc.com}

So... now.

When you get an e-mail from Adam George at your job and he wants to come and fix the noisy printer you've been complaining about, you should at least be kind enough to NOTICE THE FUCKING COMMA and respond to his e-mail in a proper manner.

You can reply with:

Come now. I am here.

Short. Simple. To the point.

OR. You can reply with:

Adam:

Please come now to fix my printer. It is driving me totally batshit.

Thank you.

Molly

BUT, what you SHOULD NOT DO is reply with:

George:

I am going to be in my office at 2 PM. Please come at that time to look at my printer.

Thanks,

Myrtle



First, you don't ever close a letter with just "Thanks," Put a "you" after it and then a period.

Second, when two names are separated by a comma THEY ARE OUT OF ORDER.

HOW HARD IS THAT TO UNDERSTAND? I mean, really now, people. Pay attention. GET YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR DIRTY ASSES AND RE-READ YOUR ENGLISH TEXT BOOKS. Actually, it would probably be more accurate for me to encourage most people out there to simply READ, rather than re-read it, since they likely skipped it the first time around.

So yeah, watch out for those commas. You never know who's going to go ballistic when you use their last name as a friendly greeting.

2 comments:

Kingo Sleemer said...

Jesus, I can't even post comments with my regular thing here. You need to change that.

First, closing an email with "Thanks," is PERFECTLY OKAYFINE. Mister complainer.

Second, with the whole first/lastname thing, people are more dumb than that. People don't even. If your name, for example, were "Marc," and you just sent a person and email where you said, "Thank you,
Marc"

You MIGHT assume that, should the person respond to your message and use your name as a salutation, they'll spell it right. But if you assume that, you'd be wrong. Their salutation will say:

"Mark,"

THAT'S WHAT IT WILL SAY. Unless you're communicating with one of the four people left in the world who pay attention to anything.

Stefan Fatas said...

In a related matter: Dear Mr. Groupwise Administrator, there are some times when the lastnamefirstinitial scheme that you like so much for assigning email addys just isn't appropriate.